Opportunity

I\’ve worked myself sick over the last week or so, barely finding time to attend to midterms. The reason for that is because this weekend my employers, PICnet, will be at MIT talking about what we\’re doing and the software I\’ve been building for them. I\’ll write more about that in another post. This post is for me.

I\’ve waffled a lot about where I want to be in my life, and most of that confusion has made its way here. I\’ve at least settled on where I\’m going to live: in downtown DC, sharing a flat with Phil, which should work out well on all fronts. I can\’t do dorm life, the on-campus apartments are little better, and the prospect of living alone in Baltimore is a bit too grim to act on. DC is my home, and it\’ll be nice to live there again.

I made this living decision expecting to be commuting to school, but again I\’m waffling about where I want to be regarding my education. I mused here some time ago that I could (continue to) get the kind of work I want without finishing school, but it was only idle speculation at that point. But now I have the job I want, the kind of job I\’m supposedly getting an education to be able to get. And it\’s put me in a very frustrating place.

I can\’t do my job to the fullest capacity because of school. I wouldn\’t be sick right now if I didn\’t have to attend to school as well as work; I\’d be exhausted, sure, but not sick. My classes this semester aren\’t the annoyance they\’ve previously been, but rather a side-interest, like a good work of non-fiction you read in bed after a long day at the office. I\’m engaged by school, but not inspired to work myself crazy like I am for this job.

I love what I\’m doing; I\’ve never been more motivated in my life.

Our company is in a pretty good place, and though I don\’t want count my chickens before they hatch, I think things are only going to get better. I\’m going to ride out this semester at school, continuing to put in part-time consultant\’s hours, and see where things are come summer. I just have this gut instinct that if I don\’t give everything I\’ve got to what we\’re doing I\’m going to regret it. The choice is mine, as my employers are incredibly accommodating, so we\’ll see what happens.